The oddness…

How odd can things be. Just when I thought I could rest my mind for a brief moment boom shit gets more odd. I see them shit I even hear them. Go ahead turn the volume up I can still hear. I stay on my phone so I don’t have to pay attention to my surroundings. There is no escaping everyone everywhere watches and talks about me. Like what the fuck did I steal something form you. Do I owe you something. I leave when I currently I have no funds and I ain’t about to go to old places because it will lead to old habits. What does the world want from me. I mean do enlighten me because I am dumbfounded by the behavior of people. I mean seriously reverse the shoes and you were me and I was you would like to be watched all day and night. I can’t even get a chance to just breathe. I know you all don’t like me but it is more ignorant to pretend to like me then to be honest and say you know what I don’t like you. My feelings will be hurt if course I am human but it wouldn’t be the first time someone said that to me. I am trying to get away from here and I am not sure where or how I’m getting there. I would love to just get up and leave with nowhere to go but fuck it I will still go. I would sleep under the bridge but they are everywhere I go. It’s pretty pathetic I mean I can’t even take a shower, piss, or shit without an audience around. It doesn’t matter where I am at the park, restaurant, a friend’s house. I don’t know how to act because I am not sure if I am being inappropriate. This is not easy at all. Do I entertain you? I think I will indeed I will fuck it. I want you to see me so this. You all ready for this….

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The Watcher

I believe that I have a slight problem with someone or something. Some may say it’s all in my head. However if I see and hear then how can it be in my head. I do the best of my ability not to acknowledge it because then I validate the situation. However I don’t know how to act at this point…. Should I be a clown and do a trick, should I a lunatic and at on that, should I pretend I am scared to boost their ego. What am I to do… I don’t understand why they whisper to each other or hide and gossip. Shit you are talking about me so please allow me to join the conversation. What you going to tell me about me. I know me and what and who I am. I have to live with myself and deal with these emotions. People don’t need to pretend to like, love, or care for me. What the fuck is so hard about be honest. Tell me what you want from so what if I cry and get my feelings hurt it last forever. It’s like I haven’t been through it before. It’s everywhere I go I walk in and eyes are on me like what the fuck do I have something one face, is there a burger in my pocket, should I just show you my titties would that make you happy fuck face. I understand if you take a glance but you gotta sit there and stare like how fucking creepy and weird is that. Watch everything I do, listen to everything , truly who is the one with no life. I’m not stealing from anyone, I don’t owe you or the world an explanation of everything I do. I ain’t doing nothing but being me and if you know me then you know I’m chilling. Yes my past ain’t pretty and hands been dirty but for the life me I am trying. What do you want from me because apparently I live my life for you and your thoughts of me. I mean for the love of God stop being a freak come out of hiding. I mean are we playing a game. Tag your it. God fucking damn tell me what you are thinking of me because gossiping to others won’t fix it. If you have something anything to say about me then tell me not someone else what are they going to do just add more gossip. How can I help you with me because him her, them , y’all can’t do a fucking thing about because they ain’t me. Their are a few watchers and you know who y’all are. What do you want from me because of you (the Watcher) I hate people I don’t want to be around anyone and because of you I feel I can’t go anywhere to find peace of mind. Come shit down tell me what you are thinking of me and most of all tell me why you are just watching. I am not sure how to respond to this behavior I wanna act a fool but I keeping my mental illness under control. Trust me I am a confirmed crazy who takes anti- pyshcotics which by the way fell out of my pill bottle and are at the bottom of my bag. Yes 5150 mother fucker if you don’t understand that number then Google it because you are so fucking stupid you can’t come talk to me. That is some pussy ass shit. You don’t like tell me tell me something because I am going to say it. When I feel the weight of your heavy stare or smell you because everyone has a peculiar smell to them I begin recording and I post it on a certain website and I get confirmation from people I don’t even know. I hear what you are saying I know who you are but I act like I don’t know any I’m paranoid or scared because I assume that is what you want me to do. A closed mouth don’t get fed. Your off behavior is causing me not to give a fuck and trust me I don’t like when I become a person with zero fucks because Idon’t even know what will happen. Frank this Frank that come tell me I hear you. The walls are thin my head is pounding and y’all mother fuckers are making want to kill myself. Like God damn what, what the fuck is it. Just fucking tell me so we can discuss the matter and move the fuck on. I swear today is a good day to self terminate and I am ready and you know what I hope you are watching me don’t you dare help me because you are the cause of this. So either speak your mind to me or state somewhere else because I don’t know what to do. Help me help you. Yeah I know I am a fucked off person but I respect and I don’t sit around whispering gossip. Indeed I mumble shit but you are the cause of the shit I speak and I am speaking to you because I know you hear me. So yeah to the Watcher(s) I am watching you watch me and I hear everything even with loud noises. You Know why because God gave me the ability to hear everything could not tell you if it is a gift or a curse. Whatever it may be I show you earlier and I heard you and I Know you are watching me type this up and bet your ass I’m posting it and I will continue to what I do till you act your age not your shoe size and be a civil grown ass person. Well that’s about it for now stay tuned for we are surly in the jungle and I roam freely in the jungle so I know you know that I am very aware of your presence. So now that it’s out there if you keep being a WEIRDO don’t get mad when I do something totally out of the ordinary. You been warned came to me like a civil human does or we can all be silly mother fuckers and trust me I get silly . So with that being said I apologize if I have offended before I typed this up however I will not apologize after this because I hear you quoting some of my words as I type this up so you make your choice on how you want me to behave. I’m frustrated and tired of the non sense and y’all are making me sucidal so yeah Thank you real entertainment. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT.